Geordie Shore Direct

I’M THAT MORTIFIED, LADS. I’VE GOT GLITTER IN PLACES GLITTER SHOULD NEVER BE. I’M LIKE A HUMAN FABERGE EGG.

THE SCENE OPENS. The living room looks like a bomb hit a fancy dress shop and a kebab shop at the same time. A single, sad high heel lies on its side. A traffic cone is inexplicably on the coffee table. Confetti is stuck to everything. Geordie Shore

(Finally standing up, wobbling) THAT’S THE SPIRIT! GEORDIE SHORE, BABY! WE DON’T DO HANGOVERS. WE DO TOP-UPS. I’M THAT MORTIFIED, LADS

NATHAN (23) comes sliding down the banister. He is fully dressed in a glittery gold mankini. He looks alarmingly fresh. THE SCENE OPENS

all scream in unison. The iconic synth bassline kicks in.

(From the living room) That’ll be me. I wanted a midnight piss with a bang. Nailed it.

wakes up in the hot tub, vomits quietly into a plant pot, and gives a thumbs up.