Nixon Coffee Table Assembly Instructions <COMPLETE ◆>

I recently bought a piece of furniture called the

Unlike the cheerful, friendly instructions from a certain Swedish giant (you know the one—where the mascot is a moose and everything is named after a fjord), the Nixon assembly guide is aggressive, paranoid, and surprisingly sticky. nixon coffee table assembly instructions

If the table stands firm? You have won the election. You pour a whiskey (or a ginger ale) and stare out the window at the Chesapeake Bay. After three hours, a lot of sweating, and one unconfirmed report of a stripped screw in the Southeast corner, the Nixon Coffee Table was built. I recently bought a piece of furniture called

I chose it for the sleek lines and the mid-century modern vibe. But when I flipped open the instruction manual, I realized I hadn’t bought a table. I had bought a foreign policy crisis in a box. You pour a whiskey (or a ginger ale)

It stands. Barely.