Weirdest-audition-ever-backroom-casting-couch

And there it was. The Backroom Casting Couch.

“Welcome to the weirdest audition of your life,” said the avocado. His voice was surprisingly deep. “I’m Gerald. I handle ‘vibes.’ Please, have a seat on the couch.”

I didn’t get the part. They went with a mime who had a more “authentic breakdown.” weirdest-audition-ever-backroom-casting-couch

I sat back down. Not because I wanted to. Because my body had entered a state of shock.

The bathrobe woman smiled for the first time. “Acceptance. Then stage six is ‘convincing the hamster to rate your performance on a scale of one to wheel.’ Stage seven is when you eat the meatball sub without asking whose it was.” And there it was

The hamster, currently rolling in its ball near the meatball sub, squeaked.

The door swung open. A man named “Stavros” – fake name, real gold chain – led me down a corridor lined with faded headshots of people who clearly never got the part. At the end was a heavy velvet curtain. He pulled it back. His voice was surprisingly deep

“The producer will see you now.”